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I HATED Myself

When most people see me tear a deck of cards in half, or snatch a 106 lb. kettlebell over and over and over again, they’ll ask me odd questions like:

“When did you learn you could do that?”

As if this was an innate talent I discovered that I had one day.

As if years of smart training didn’t go into it.

Let me share with you just how awful at this kind of thing I use to be.

My older brother played football in high school and encouraged me to do the same. He was good. I was not. I was weak, slow, and uncoordinated. I was not athletic. I also weighed less than a hundred pounds starting my freshman year.

Still, I tried.

I tried for four long years…

The training we did, the practice and strength work, throughout high school did not change any of those things about me, not by much. It didn’t work for me.

Still…I was never any good. I had guys two years younger than me, starting over me in games.

The fact was my self-image was horrible. How I internally perceived myself was as weak, slow, unathletic, uncoordinated, unconfident and unable to improve. (I didn’t even have enough backbone to say I quit…for four years.)

That was my reality. No amount of the outside training could change that.

The truth is I HATED myself. Strong words. Unfortunately, TRUE words.

Not just cause of the football thing, but for many other reasons too, which I won’t get into now. This is not something I talk about often.

It was not until after high school that I got into fitness stuff that I actually enjoyed (starting with bodyweight training).

It was not until around that time that I started to begin the mental journey of learning how that self-image I had, became my reality…and the important fact that it could be changed.

I became strong and confident internally first. Then I became strong and confident externally.

Overtime, these have continued to reinforce one another. That is how the mental and the physical work together.

The journey has been long, with many twists and turns, but I see it as beginning in that rock bottom place of high school.

That’s why I say, if I can do this stuff, anyone can. What you believe and how you think internally, drives your external behavior and results.

Few people teach how the internal stuff can be altered.

Without having the right internal setup, all the external stuff is just spinning your wheels. It was for me…and it is for you too.

Now, I hope you don’t hate yourself. I hope that you have a good self-image and use your mind positively for great things.

If you don’t, or you just want to amp things up, you can do so here.

I HATED Myself was last modified: October 24th, 2017 by jana

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